Death Ain't the Only Ending for Me
by darkenergywriter16fire
Summary: Set at the beginning, just as Otonashi appears, Sayumi Miyakawa appears, with a history as bad as Yuri's. Shiina has taken a strange interest in Sayumi's life, which is starting to creep her out. Will Sayumi eventually find peace and move on, or will she stay forever as a vengeful soul in that world, never again getting the chance to live her life to the fullest?
1. Reawakened

**Sayumi**

One minute, I was alive, in great pain, but alive. The next minute, I had woken up in a seemingly twilit world, with a dark-haired girl's face looking down at me. She was not my mother [as I expected] in anyway, except she had the same exact eyes as my mother, and therefore me. I closed my eyes again as weariness took over, not knowing where I was or who the girl was.

I opened my eyes again and managed to sit up. To my surprise I felt weary no more. Looking around, I seemed to be at the foot of a large stairwell on the outskirts of what looked like a high school campus. Again I saw the same girl whose face I had woken up to. "Well, this definitely isn't my room at home," I said in a flat voice. "Hmm," said the girl, standing up. "All people say these days are 'Where am I?' and 'What is this place?' and that kind of stupid crap." Looking at me from the corner of her eye, she said, "I can tell you're a bit different from we usually get. See if you can stand up, kid. What you're gonna go through next isn't paradise, or hell. This is gonna be so stupid."

"Let me guess what I am, then."

"Be my guest."

"Dead."

* * *

Thus started my life after death as a member of the [currently named] Afterlife Battlefront, or the SSS. Shinda Sekai Sensen, led by Yuri Nakamura.

My name is Sayumi Miyakawa. I am 16, and as you can tell, I am dead. Alone. Far from the drug cartel I would visit time to time. Far from anyone I knew, anyone I recognized, at all. Never had I felt this lonely. Not that I didn't appreciate the company the dark-haired girl gave me, but inside I was truly and mentally alone.

* * *

After a brief introduction that went like this:

"Shiina."  
" I'm Sayumi Miyakawa."  
"Come on, kid. We're headed to the battlefront headquarters. Get you acquainted with our leader, and everyone else."  
"Wait, _battlefront? Leader?_ _Everyone else?_"  
"Yeah. The stupid part is how we keep changing our name. I mean, I personally don't give a damn about our name. Everyone else just refers to it as just the Battlefront. But Yuri insists on giving it a stupid name. We don't have time for all this shit."  
"... I see."

Shiina led me to a large building in the middle of the school campus. "Our headquarters are in the teachers' building, mainly in the principal's office. It's called the Anti-Angel Headquarters." I blinked. "Who's Angel?" Shiina was quiet for a moment. "Angel is our enemy. At least that's what Yuri says. She was the first to fight back, and the rest of us rallied with her. Yuri thinks that God didn't give any of us a fair life when we lived. Anyway, it's stupid."

She gave me a sidelong glance. "We need more recruits the Battlefront. Will you do it? Usually I don't give a damn and all, but you're new." I thought. A lot, actually. "Alright," I finally said. "I'll do it." _Anything to get back at God or any angels who kept me from having a fair life. It wasn't my damn fault I was born to have that life._ Shiina didn't say a word. All she did was lead me up to the principal's office. Finally, "The password is 'No God, no Buddha, no Angel'. Got that?" "Yeah, got it."

She muttered the password, then entered the room. I hesitated, unsure of whether I really wanted to do this. Shiina noticed me. "What are you waiting for? Come in already." I was about to reply when I heard someone else's voice, a girl's voice, from within. "Hey Shiina, you got another recruit? It's rare to get two recruits in one day. Well, come in. I don't bite." Then I heard a boy's voice, "Not that you know of, Yuri." I entered the room and closed the door. The girl who I heard before was yelling something at a boy who was sitting on one of the side sofas. "Shut up! Don't let the wrong idea about us get into the recruits' heads!" The other boys in the room snickered. The girl, who I presumed to be Yuri, the leader, sat herself down at the principal's desk. She studied me for a few moments, then said, "You probably figured out by now that I'm Yuri. If you don't know, we're the -"

"This is so stupid. I already got her join the Battlefront, and gave her the password. Just brief her on more of the basics and all the operations." Everyone grew quiet for a moment. Then most of the boys yelled, "THAT WAS THE MOST SHIINA'S EVER SAID AT ONCE!" I managed to crack a smile. Looks like this would be a bit fun, after all. Yuri yelled back, "SHUT UP! YOU ALL GOT THE CHANCE TO TALK, NOW LET ME DO IT!" At that I actually laughed. More than i ever did in my entire life. "I'm sorry, it's just that you all seem to get along just fine, so I hope I don't have any problems with any of you," I managed to explain between fits of laughter.

Just then a large axe-thingy [halberd? **i don't really know, i searched the anime up on wikipedia**] flew towards my face. Surprisingly I thrust out my arm on instinct and flipped the handle around, causing it to slam in the wall. "What the hell? Yuri, why are you letting _her_ join? I already suffered enough from her when I was alive, dammit!" An infuriatingly familiar voice broke through the short silence after that thing flew at me. I scowled and crossed my arms ever my chest. Which is slightly difficult to do, because my chest is larger than an average sixteen-year-old's chest. Much to many boys' interests when I was alive. "The person who I did not want to see at all is standing in the very same room," I grumbled. "The _only_ person I would have a problem with." Yuri rested her head on top of her folded fingers and upright arms. "Well, you're going to have to deal with each other. That's the way we do things here. We have to work together to fight Angel. I don't give a damn if the two of you are gonna fight whenever we're not doing any operations or fighting Angel, _just make sure it doesn't disrupt our flow._"

My lips in a straight line, "Fine," I muttered. "Fine. As long as _she _stays outta my way," Noda shot back.


	2. Takes One to Know One

maybe it's good to be dead. or maybe it's good to be alive. but all I know is that I blew my chance at making life good the first time. I blew my chance at true happiness, blew my chance at having a peaceful death. but no. I ended up a very troubled singer well on her way to stardom who had big trouble with addiction, and who was often caught up in violence. I watched my family die at a young age, I lost my best friend, and I threw myself into scandal. without caring one bit of the consequences.

the worst part was my family's death. that left a scar so big and deep in my heart, I was no more the sweet little girl my relatives once knew and often wished to have back. I turned Dark. Emo. I couldn't even have been saved by my own lyrics. my songs, and the passion I put into them, couldn't reach me. of course I knew that my songs were loved by the teenage part of society. all I did was put in all the sorrow, loneliness, and loss I felt ever since the funeral for my family.

blood. all the things we do for it. and all the things we don't. only years later did I realize that there was one chance I could have taken, one thing I could have done, to save my family. possibly to also save myself from the future consequences of guilt and belated epiphanies.

I could have died. sacrificed myself for the future of my siblings and parents. I was too naive. too innocent to realize the grave mistake I had committed against my family. if I had told that to the police, they would have arrested me for homicide, I think. I wouldn't have minded. not now, at least. but then again, now I'm dead. apparently my family moved on to a happier end, because I don't see any family in this world.

only the dark-haired girl, Shiina, with eyes exactly like my mother's. that's a slight comfort for now, at least.

* * *

After getting to know everyone else at the headquarters, Yuri gave me a couple of guns, a pocket knife, and a switchblade. "Come on, let's go outside and see how good you are." I blinked. "Who told you that I... oh," I suddenly realized. I glared at the offender. "Really?" He shrugged. "Everyone's gotta know how to use a gun, at least. And Yuri needs to know what we can do." "Whatever." I followed Yuri outside to a small courtyard. There I saw that targets had been set up, as well as a cloth dummy. Yuri indicated that I start. Nodding, I aimed the guns and shot each target right in the bullseye. I shot bullet after bullet, driving each one into the direct center of the target. The cartridges finished, I turned back to Yuri. "Well? What do you think?" I could tell she was impressed by what I can do, but all she did was point to the dummy. I flicked open the blades of the pocket knife and switchblade. With a flurry of my hands I slashed the dummy to pieces. Years of getting caught up in violence paid off. I heard a couple of guys whistle. "Man, she's good," one muttered.

I wasn't proud. I wasn't supposed to be able to do this, I was supposed to have a family life; happy and peaceful. In fact, _no person_ was supposed to be in this afterlife place. Our lives were messed with, weren't given a chance to experiment with all the things we could have done with ourselves.

I resolved to put on a good pokerface. Nerves of steel were needed for the real fighting I would eventually take part in. "So. Your verdict is..." I stopped talking, waiting for Yuri's decision. To my surprise she went over to the shooting targets. "Good, but we aren't trying to kill anyone, we just need to attack Angel before she catches on to our current operation. She has supernatural powers, so attacking is easier said than done. Can you shoot in a way that can slow her down for a while and at the same time buy time for us?" I frowned. Yuri's request would be a bit difficult to find an answer to. Whenever I shoot at something, I go for any of the main points, such as a joint or a major organ. For me to shoot Angel enough to badly hurt her and slow her down, I would need to shoot her limbs, at least 2 bullets each shot. That means I would need a gun that has a large enough cartridge yet fast and powerful enough so I can shoot. I smiled. That's the kind of gun I was used to working with.

"Alright, I figured out a way to do it. But if you don't mind, I'd like to keep my technique to myself. No use in a secret skill if everyone knows about it," I finally answered. Yuri approved. "Good enough. Can you teach the other newbie, Otonashi, and a couple of our morons to shoot well enough?" Great. Another request, this time to teach a bunch idiots who are supposed to have more experience in this than me. I shrugged my shoulders. "Whatever," I muttered. "Alright, I wanna see one person in front of each target. And quickly, please," I called out to those who stayed behind. As I thought, they all were guys. They scrambled into position, no doubt a bit intimidated by my wicked skills.

"You want to start aiming not at the center, but at a place you're confident you can hit. As you get better at it, aim closer and closer to the center until you can actually hit it, or try to, right in the middle." With that, I aimed quickly and let loose a small stream of bullets right into the bullseye. "Of course, you have to practice a lot if you wanna be nearly as good as I am, but my experiences certainly didn't include proper lessons. Now practice." I stood back at one of the corners, occasionally slinking up to a shooter here and there and correcting them. I gave up slinking [too boring] and started walking around, not stopping any of the boys until I was satisfied with the results. "Alright, that's enough. You only need to shoot well enough to cut down on Angel's advance, so give it a rest. Keep practicing a bit and you'll do fine," I called to everyone. I heard murmurs throughout the group as I followed them back to the headquarters.

"Hey. That's a real good shot you got there. Noda tells me you were a singer; a famous one, at that. The group and I were wondering if you wanna practice with us, after clearing it with Yuri." I turned around and saw a friendly looking girl about my age and height. Her hair was gorgeous, that much I could think. "Hey. Sure, I'd like to meet your group. Just as soon as I clear some things away and ask Yuri. By the way, I think your hair is gorgeous," I replied. She smiled and said, "Thanks. Your looks ain't bad yourself. I'm Iwasawa. After Yuri goes through the mission I'll take you to our practice room. Later." She waved and ran off to another couple of girls. She said something to them, and they all turned and waved. I waved back, hoping and wondering that staying in this place wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe I can make some real friends, ones who share my passion for music.

* * *

I didn't expect to run into him as I sneaked into an empty classroom to light a cigarette. "What are you doing here? I can't have a moment to myself without you turning up around every corner?" I snapped. Noda glared. "Shut up. I just wanted to tell you something, but apparently you're not interested. Then again, not much can hold your attention for long." That pissed me off. A lot.

"Are you saying that the drugs I took messed me up? Losing my family messed me up! Losing every single damned thing I loved messed me up! You're no worse than I am; you took off when I needed you the most. And _you're _blaming_me _for what happened? You are such a bastard!" I yelled.

"Me?! When did you ever turn to me when you had all those crappy needles and shit stuck into your skin? You didn't listen to me, and now look at yourself! Lighting a cigarette here of all places! You're calling me a bastard? Well, doesn't it take one to know one?!" he yelled back.

I guess he shocked me a little, because I couldn't move, stunned by his accusations. Noda pushed past me into the hall and started down, twirling his halberd [thingy]. He was right. Before he left me, he told me to stay away from it. But I couldn't keep away. I was already swept into the rush of feelings I got whenever I took a dose. It was my fault that I lost my best friend. I just couldn't say that to him. I ain't gonna give up my pride by apologizing to that bastard.

It was time to take up Iwasawa's offer. I threw my unlit cigarette in the garbage and started to leave, wishing that I had my electric and acoustic guitars with me. Then there was a noise like a breeze blowing through the strings on a guitar. I recognized that sound and whirled around, shocked to find my beloved guitars propped up on the wall. Wondering if there was more to this world than I previously thought, I packed my instruments into the cases that appeared with them, and set off down the hallway to the SSS headquarters where Iwasawa said she would meet me.

I couldn't wait to start strumming my acoustic; that one made up the background and vibe of my music. My electric made up the sharp yet flowing beats that accompanied the words I sang. I was positive that Iwasawa, as a fellow singer, would understand how I feel about my music. After all, it takes one to know one, right?


	3. Time and Time Again

i've heard that time can heal a broken heart. in my case, it's a damaged heart. it looks like time hasn't done anything for me yet. that's the problem. it's like i always expect someone or something to do something for me. ever since i became a singer, people have always wanted to do things for me. and i sorta got used to it. now i have to fend for myself, like the weeks after my family died.

it's hard being by yourself for a long time. but by putting on a mask did i stand it. only during my performances did i show my real self. no one noticed, no one understood. i expected it. no one could understand. except...

no. i can't afford to think too much about him. i need to get distracted. i need another way to feel like i belong. i only hope Iwasawa and the others accept me.

* * *

I met up with Iwasawa at the door to the headquarters. She saw my guitar cases and I swear, her eyes just lit up like a lantern. "So, you play both electric and acoustic? Me too," she casually said, leading the way to her band's room. "Yep. Most of the time I use my electric when I'm singing, but when I write a ballad or a particularly sad song, I use my acoustic to express my feelings," I answered. My words reminded me of the last song I sang before I died. It was a song full of pain, hurt, anger, sorrow,... and grief. It was called _Howl_.

I was so absorbed in my memories that I didn't notice Iwasawa stopped, and I bumped into her from behind. "Oops, sorry about that. Wasn't paying attention," I said sheepishly, rubbing my forehead. She turned her head and smiled. "It's okay. We all get distracted sometimes." "Not like I do," I murmured to myself. Iwasawa opened the door to the band room, and I was amazed. The room had all the equipment I expected to see, as well as extra supplies and large amplifiers. The decor was cool, too, with the band's logo _Girls Dead Monster_ written on the drum set in a creepily cool style with lightning bolts near the top. The other girls, the same ones who I saw talking to Iwasawa before, were setting up the drums and the other guitars.

"Hey, you're the chick who gave a great performance in battle practice." I looked around to see a brown-haired girl drinking from a water bottle. "Yep, that's me. I think you know, but I'm Sayumi." Nodding, she replied, "Yeah, it spread like wildfire all over the Battlefront. I'm Hisako, lead guitarist. Sekine is our bass and Irie is our drummer," gesturing with her water bottle. "Oh yeah, Iwasawa does the vocals and is the rhythm guitarist. She also writes the lyrics and music and everything," Hisako added.

At that moment Sekine put on a mask that she found who-knows-where and crept up behind Irie. "Boo," Sekine hissed in Irie's ear. She actually jumped and ran screaming from the band room. I found myself amazed again. Hisako just rolled her eyes while Iwasawa stifled a giggle. "Hey, Sekine! Stop doing that Irie, we need our drummer to be intact during performances and practice, not scared out of her wits! Jeez," Hisako scolded Sekine. She just giggled, took her position, and picked up her guitar. "Is it safe?" a small voice whispered. I turned and saw Irie hiding behind the door. "Yeah, it's alright. Hisako gave Sekine a good scolding," I said, grinning. "Okay, places everyone!" called Iwasawa. She turned to me. "We have an operation tonight, which means that we'll be the distracting force. But Yuri wants you on the field, to watch for Angel. We're gonna practice Crow Song, so try to remember it as much as you can."

I nodded. "I don't need to remember; I can memorize entire songs just from hearing it once." She blinked. "Then that's great, when you're performing with us. Here goes." **[you might want to search the song on Youtube, but if you want a sneak peak at episode 1 because you had the guts to not start watching, then search the performance. also, the english translation is on the website on my profile. idk why, but the translations on episode 1's performance are slightly different.]**

_Haigo ni wa ashatta ano kabe  
yubisaki wa tetsu no nioi  
susume hajike dono michi komu desho  
find a way koko kara  
found out mitsukero  
rock o kanadero  
tooku o misuero  
Ikitsugi sae dekinai machi no naka_

_Hoshizora ga saikou no butai  
karasu tachi kaakaa to naku yo  
itsu mo omou yo itsu neteru n darou  
find a way atashi mo  
song for utau yo  
rock o hibikase  
crow to utau yo  
_

_Itsumade konna tokoro ni iru?  
sou iu yatsu mo ita ki ga suru  
urusai koto dake iu no nara  
shikkoku no ha ni sarawarete kiete kure_

_Zenryoku de mou taoresou da  
yubi mo surikiete itai  
demo ne yaru yo konya mo biggu na sutoorii  
find a way koko kara  
found out mitsukero  
rock o kanadero  
luck o utau yo  
_

_Itsumade datte koko ni iru yo  
toorisugite iku hito no naka  
yami ni tozasareta suteeji de  
ima kibou no uta utau yo  
anata datte tsukareteru desho  
sono senaka ni mo todoketai yo  
konna kurayami no naka kara no  
kibou terasu hikari no uta o  
sono uta o  
_

I was like this every time. I would hear a song and be able to memorize it. This way I memorized too many songs, but only a few that were my own. Sometimes it got so bad that I couldn't tell my songs from another singer's. My neurologist said that it wasn't a brain or memory disorder, just that I had a "unique and remarkable" ability to remember music. I hated it for those words. "Unique and remarkable." It was one of the reasons I turned to drug use. If I didn't have this shitty ability my life wouldn't have been so fucked up. It doesn't matter about this world, though. I can and will go through as much shit as it will throw me.

Time and time again.


End file.
